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Friday, 6 February 2009

My Disgusting Things

Whenever you meet me, be careful not to make contact with the following several items. Excluding the obvious, such as underpants, of course.

1. Backpack

My loyal Body Glove backpack is three years old now. Throughout the three years, it has followed me, through the rain and the sun, wherever I go. The Malaysian hot sun and my tendency to walk a lot naturally means it er, gets as wet as I do when I sweat. I also place my bag on the floor quite frequently, and I usually end up stepping some parts of it or kicking it by accident.

What's more, I don't wash it that frequently.

I mean, I rarely wash it.

OK fine. I have never washed it.

2. Belt

Whenever I'm wearing my jeans, I have a "spiderweb" belt with me. I've been wearing it on daily basis for more than a year now. Well as long as it stays with my pants, it's clean.

The problem happens when I take my pants off. The undone belt is so long it trails on the floor. I need to take extreme care it does not happen.

Why? Imagine you're trying to shit in a Malaysian public toilet, and you'll know why.

3. Wallet

Which grown up person on earth doesn't carry a wallet or purse with him/her everytime? One dirty thing about wallet is money. I've heard that cash is too dry for microorganism to grow, yet I'm disgusted at the sight of hawkers handling money and food interchangeably without washing their hands in between. I mean, the money could have been picked up anywhere. From rubbish dump. From the toilet floor.

From so close to my privates.

One more thing is I never hold my wallet close to my head. 'Cause you know why? It has absorbed pretty much of my sweat from my groins.

4. Glasses

This is one thing I really hate. Why can't I have 20/20 vision? Can get rid of it forever.

My glasses are over 5 years old now, and other than turning urea-yellow after sucking in much of my sweat, there are these algae growing at joints, and I always had the trouble trying to remove them.

I sometimes wash my glasses (now this is not a lie, I swear), but the optician said not to use soap (I used to use) as it washes away the many complicated layers of the lenses.

Too bad.

5. Legs

Come on. It is common sense not to touch a guy's legs! I mean, look at all the football players and their thick, muddy, sweaty, and hairy legs. Maybe it's kind of a good thing I don't have to attend first aid duties for football matches anymore.

But I still don't understand why some people are so fascinated by my legs. Apparently because I have lots of leg hair.

And don't ever get your heads near my feet if I happened to have just taken off my socks.

I think that's enough disgusting things about me.

I have a bad feeling that I'm spending this Valentine alone.

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