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Tuesday, 18 November 2008

Confession: I Am Not Straight

I have a confession to make.

For this whole time, I've been convincing myself that I am normal. I've been too afraid to accept the truth. I've been doing all sorts of research online, finding proof.

I wanted to talk to my friends and my family about it, but I just couldn't pick up my courage. Speaking to them would mean giving in to the truth, something I had been avoiding, and spread my fears among my loved ones too.

I've even considered consulting specialists, hoping they can explain my doubts and share my worries, hoping they would give me some final rays of hope before I succumb.

But after so many years, I've decided to come out of the closet, and tell the world that I am not straight.

Sometimes, I just can't help but feel that life is unfair. Of all person, why do I have to be the one?

It is just so painful to see the my classmates, hugging their loved ones openly during lectures. Would my condition deter me from having such relationship?

It just hurts my heart when someone points at me and say mercilessly, "you are not straight". Nobody even pities me anymore. Nobody understands me. Nobody is here for me.

But then again, why would I let it bother me?

I mean, life is short. Why would I waste the few decades of my precious lifetime, and worry about that small "glitch" of mine?

After all, it is my own damn fault anyway.

It all started fifteen years ago. When I would ignore my parents advice to maintain a healthy posture. I would sit slouched on the coach, watch TV while lying down on the sofa, and do homework with my head resting on the table.

If only I knew the consequences of those small actions. If only I could appreciate being straight. Such small actions have caused a major catastrophe in my life.


Oh sorry, I mean my back isn't straight. Hunched, in other words.

What were you thinking?

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